Where did you learn to ‘do’ relationships? Most likely, from your parents, who learned from their parents, who learned from their parents, who learned from their parents; and so on. And, if your family history is like 90% of the population, there was probably some sort of dysfunction going on that you learned, modeled, fought from, absorbed, or rebelled against.
Most often, our current and present state is a culmination of what we have learned in the past; and we learn a lot when we are young by modeling, observing, and absorbing rules, norms, behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs. When a coaching client comes to see us about improving their skills in relationships, one of the first questions we ask is “where did you learn to ‘do’ relationships.
All of the patterns that we did model and learn while growing up, and even as young adults and adults about relationships are unconscious patterns of behavior, emotion, and belief. Because of this, we can apply a variety of NLP tools to create more effective patterns.
NLP will help you to address beliefs that may not be serving you now. For example, if a child modeled a jealous or mistrusting parent then there is more likely that as an adult these same behaviors will be exhibited – even without reason for them. If a child experiences abandonment from loved ones, there is a good chance they will protect against being abandoned as an adult in relationships.
We meet many people who have created dependency patterns, or addiction to love patterns which means they continually need to be in a relationship to feel whole. NLP is based on an aspect that people work best when they, themselves are whole and integrated with themselves. So, NLP will help you not just set up success for relationships with others, but help you create a dynamic relationship with yourself, setting your psychology right from the beginning.
